Sebastien Wilcox

(Previously on Vancouver 2010.)

The ding dong of the doorbell woke me up. The TV was on and N Synch was playing live at the 2002 Winter Games in Salt Lake City. Apparently, I had a thing for N Synch. And figure skaters. Man, my head hurt and I couldn’t even blame it all on time travel. Unfortunately.

Ding dong ding dong. I got up from the couch and made my way to the door. I said who is it? Nothing. I said who is it? Nothing. I said who is it? Nothing. I said who is it? Nothing. I said I’m persistent. Then a voice on the other side of the door said no shit.

So I swung the door open and took a few steps outside. No one there. I said where are you? Nothing. I said I’m not playing this game again.

I stepped back into the house and shut the door. Hello Sebastien said a blonde woman wearing figure skates. You startled me I said. Sorry she said. Is this Halloween, I said. She said no guess again. I love guessing I said. Okay go on she said. Okay, don’t rush me I said. I’m not she said. Are you Tonya Harding I said? She said yes. I said yippppeeee do I win a toaster. Oh he’s so hot Tonya Harding said, looking at Justin Timberlake on TV. I turn to see him (out of reaction only, not because I’m GAY) and then wham! (not the band), Tonya Harding hits me in the side of the head with some black metal pipe.

Before fully passing out, I mumble that…wasn’t….my…kn-…knees.

The moral of this post? Tonya Harding 2 Nancy Kerrigan and me 0.