Sebastien Wilcox

For some strange reason, I watched the season finale of The Biggest Loser Australia. Not the whole show, mind you, just the weigh-in part, where all the fat turned not-so-fat people sorta hopped on a scale for their chance at winning two hundred thousand dollars.

Now I can’t tell you if this was this year’s show, or if it was a rerun of some other season’s show or if the peanut butter sandwich that I was eating at the time was made from crunchy or extra crunchy peanut butter, but I can tell you that once they announced the winner, the winner’s family and friends rushed the stage and confetti was thrown and hugs and kisses and high fives were shared, and for a second I thought, man, this ending is ripping off The Family Feud.

I also thought about the guy who won and the party he’d throw with two hundred thousand dollars. Granted, he wouldn’t have to spend all of it, but surely after winning, some sort of festive feast was more than likely in order.

And that’s when the questions came into my brain. Faster than a pee after eight glasses of water.

Would the rice cakes be served before or after the sea salt sprinkled Melba toast? Would the complimentary brussel sprouts flow all night? What about the lemon water? Would the egg whites be served a la carte with unbuttered greens or as part of the appetizer with tomatoes and parsley pate? For dessert, would it be the half-spoonful of mango sorbet or the quarter-spoon? Would hot water with sweetener be served afterwards to settle all the tummie-wummies attending the celebration?

The moral of this post? The girl in the video below is the real biggest loser.