Sebastien Wilcox

The strangest thing happened the other night; the phone rang and I actually picked up. Not sure why, I mean, isn’t that why voicemail was invented?

I said hello. The lady on the other end said hi is this Sebastien Wilcox? I said I’m not interested. She said wait not so fast. I said I don’t have time for this. She said it’s Bumpy’s Cafe calling we found your wallet. I said I didn’t know I lost my wallet. She said well you did. I said wow, I’m forgetful. She said we’re closing in a few minutes but you can pick it up in the morning. Pick up what I ask? Your wallet she perks back. I said oh yeah right.

The next morning I go to pick up my dry cleaning, but when I reach for my wallet, well, if you’ve been following the story you pretty much know that I didn’t end up picking up my dry cleaning because I had no wallet, hence no money, hence no clean clothes, hence no confidence, hence no charisma, hence no personality, hence I needed to go to Bumpy’s Cafe. And fast.

So here’s the dilemma. I knew I wanted to offer this lady from Bumpy’s some sort of reward, but how much? And then, I had an idea that you’d only see on The Cosby Show. 

As I walked into Bumpy’s, I smiled at the cashier – who we’ve come to know as the lady from Bumpy’s – and asked if she found a wallet. She holds it up in the air like a winning lottery ticket. Talk about foreshadowing. I say thanks and ask her for a small coffee. She gives me a cup and then I hand her a twenty. She says that’ll be $1.95 and I say keep the change, wearing a silly Bill Cosby smirk across my face.

Isn’t that like a 700% tip or something nutty? And all the lady could say was that’s nice and then without missing a beat she says who ordered the morning glory muffin?

Morning glory, how fitting.

The moral of this post? I’m trying to steal the lady from Bumpy’s Cafe’s thunder by turning the hero of the story into me.